


Roads Chosen

by Sweven



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Dark Obi-Wan Kenobi, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Non-Canon Relationship, Not Canon Compliant, Obi-Wan Needs a Hug, The Force, roguerobin033, roguerobinphasetwo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-18 21:05:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10625112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweven/pseuds/Sweven
Summary: Obi-Wan's Sith past has caught up with him. He must choose which path to follow and live with the consequences.Created for the Jedifest Rogue Robin, Phase Two. Please read Phase One first! The link is in the notes.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Horns of a Dilemma](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/283734) by http://dogmatix.tumblr.com. 



> This work is not beta'ed because I'm bad at managing my time, I'll update it with a beta'ed version soon!

 

As the doors went down, the incessant humming quieted and a deafening silence filled the void. Qui-Gon subtly changed his stance, as if preparing for an assault from both sides and this was the last drop in the already overflowing cup. Obi Wan had made his choice even before that slight movement, but this cemented it. Trying to stall for time before the inevitable, or maybe as a sort of morbid curiosity he turned towards his master.

"If I leave right now, if I abandon the Jedi Order... What will happen? What will you do?"

Qui-Gon looked at his apprentice somberly, a deep sadness could be traced in the lines furrowing his mouth." I will not harm you", he said. Obi Wan chuckled bitterly, the older Jedi never was one to waste words,even at a time like this. Through their Force Bond he could feel that the older Jedi was genuine, but despite Qui-Gon’s frequent disdain for the Order’s ways, would he really put his own emotions ahead of what would be deemed as the greater good? Would he really allow a former Sith apprentice to just leave? None of the Masters on the Council would allow it, Obi-Wan was certain.

Mauls laughter rang harshly off the walls, a grueling sound that hurt Obi-Wan's ears. "You lie! The truth of the Jedi has been written in Sith blood a thousand times over. You remember this, Ben, from their teachings as well as ours! A thousand years of fanatics and murderers! Join me and be my apprentice! We will cast down the Jedi once our Master is dead!"

Obi-Wan looked at the Dathomirian curiously, his yellow eyes burning with truth and hatred, spittle flying from his mouth. He observed the Sith curiously. He remembered the younger version of the Sith in front of him. He’d been smaller and less skilled than he was now, but he had still, even back then, wielded his anger like a knife. The edge of his anger had been honed in hatred and countless victories. The lithe youth Obi-Wan remembered from when he held a different name had been a hateful creature, but so had Ben. They’d been rivals in everything and… Obi-Wan paused at the realisation. They’d been friends.

"I remember everything", Obi-Wan said and ignited his lightsaber. At the sound Maul lunged into battle with a roar of victory, hacking and slashing furiously at Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan had always been able to sense the emotions of others almost without trying, but the mixture of joyful ecstasy and seething anger he felt from the Sith knocked him back momentarily. Qui-Gon fell back under the onslaught, cool and quiet. No emotion was visible on his face nor through the Force and Obi-Wan felt a pang of pain. So many years wasted repressing his emotions, all for a teacher who didn't care.

 

Blue lightsaber met red. Fury was momentarily replaced by confusion and hurt but then intensified. Maul snarled animalistically at Obi-Wan. "So you choose to be a slave? I expected more from you! Sidious will be glad to hear of your demise!"

More snippets from his life at the Sith Academy flashed before his eyes. His rivalry with Maul, the first hand reached out in tentative kindness. How the fragile peace they had formed with each other had developed into a deeper friendship of sorts. Trusting your peers among Sith was a sure way to get killed, but Ben and Maul had never truly trusted each other. They didn’t need to. Theirs was strange friendship but they confided in each other as they sparred. They didn’t lift each other up, together they tore down the other acolytes together instead. They were ruthless with each other but Obi-Wan had no memory of having had any closer friend during his childhood. With a bitter taste in his mouth, he drew himself back to the present.

 

They danced around the bottomless pit, lightsabers glinting and sparks flaring. Qui-Gon quickly assisted Obi-Wan in the battle, the duo drawing on their Force bond and years upon years of practice. They moved as one, in perfect unison and Obi-Wan's blood sang.

As the battle went on, Maul's movements grew more and more erratic and unpredictable. Finally the Zabrak saw an opening, Qui-Gon had been careless and left his torso open and Maul went for the kill. As the saber sunk shallowly into flesh, Mauls arm was suddenly stopped.

Obi-Wan stood behind him, winded and bruised, with his hand outstretched and darkness in his eyes. Through the Force he held Maul's arm perfectly still, and the iron grip that Maul fought desperately against tightened. Qui-Gon stepped back from the saber, carefully watching his Padawan. Obi-Wan knew that his Master could sense that he was drawing power from his emotions.

“Obi-Wan, let him go”, he said calmly.

Obi-Wan didn’t spare him a glance. The battle of wills between Maul and himself continued and drawing on the Dark Side came as naturally as breathing to Obi-Wan. How he’d managed to refuse the siren call of dark power for so many years, he’d never understand.

Maul snarled and swore and fought with everything he had and Obi-Wan felt his grip slipping slightly. Obi-Wan’s lips twisted into a look of disgust and he embracing his anger. He _pulled_ with everything he had. A roar of agony escaped Maul as his shoulder joint was wrenched from his socket. The Zabrak fell back, and Obi-Wan was on him in a flash. The red lightsaber was sliced in half and Maul fought on with a single blade.

‘Persistent’, Obi-Wan thought. ‘But not skilled enough.’ Obi-Wan drew on both light and dark, attempting to balance his emotions to benefit him, but he constantly felt like he was walking the edge of the chasm that Qui-Gon had always warned him about. The darkness was tempting beyond anything he had ever known.

In a final assault Obi-Wan summoned all of his rage, revelled in it and the power it granted. Qui-Gon lay wounded on the other side of the room and Maul answered every blow with massive strength, the dislocated shoulder seemingly forgotten.

‘He has become enveloped in his rage, has let it consume every thinking part of him’, Obi-Wan realised and immediately drew back from the chasm of Dark Force energy. Drawing in a deep breath he calmed himself, found a shore of peace in the middle of the rage. A new sensation overcame Obi-Wan as he clawed his way back to himself, and suddenly he saw his old rival with blinding clarity.

Two steps was all he needed now that his balance was restored. He was still dancing close to the edge, but he was no longer afraid to fall. As the Sith came lunging towards him, Obi-Wan stepped aside and neatly dodged the crimson blade and brought his own blue saber up. It cut effortlessly through red and  black flesh, bisecting his opponent. Obi-Wan revelled his victory and watched the look of surprise and shock on Maul’s face as he fell backwards.

 

The battle was done. Maul was falling through the endless shaft, cut in two. ‘The sai tok was an appropriate ending’, Obi-Wan thought with a twinge of sadness. ‘Maybe he was always supposed to fall by my blade.’

 

“Obi-Wan…”, Qui-Gon had gotten up and was walking towards him. His long hair was tangled, bits of it was stuck in his beard and blood was seeping through his robes, despite the pressure he’d put on the wound. “You came back. I’m proud of you, my Padawan.” The Jedi reached for his shoulder but Obi-Wan took a step away from him. As his Master met his eyes he saw the exact moment when Qui-Gon noticed the pale ring of yellow surrounding the usual blue-grey iris.

“The Sith Lord you're looking for is called Darth Sidious. He holds an instrumental position in the Senate, but I don't know who he is. Goodbye, Master”, Obi-Wan said, lips curled in a mockery of a smile. He walked away from the Jedi, all the time wondering if his Master would strike him down as a heretic or if the older man held enough affection to let him leave.

 

As Obi-Wan walked away, he felt his Master sever their force bond with a finality that almost made him stumble. It was done in an instant and only the barest whisper of it remained but the betrayal cut him to the core. Willing himself not to turn and unleash his hurt and anger upon Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan breathed out. And he kept walking.

 

* * *

 

 

Obi-Wan kept walking for years.

He studied the Force uninhibited by the restrictions of the Jedi now. For years he was alone and he walked dark paths as well as light. On planets far from the Core, he found holocrons and isolated cults following Jedi or Sith, and sometimes both, from ages past.

He brooded on his past decisions, and as he recovered more and more memories from his childhood, he wondered if killing Maul had truly been the right decision. Was the greater good really more important than his only friend? Obi-Wan knew that Maul would have laughed at the pain his loyalty caused him.

He sought out pockets of Force users wherever he could find them and in their company he could feel at home for a brief time. He never willingly formed attachments, not because of some forsaken Jedi Code but trust came hard to him these days. Even so, every time he left, Obi-Wan still felt like he was leaving a little bit of himself behind and he loathed himself for it.

 

He considered going to Mandalore to seek out Satine. She would welcome him back with open arms, he knew, but his reflection was a stranger to even himself. He wasn’t the same person now as he had been back then and she wouldn’t realise that until too late. ‘She deserves better’, Obi-Wan thought. Staying away would be better from everyone. The yellow-eyed, scraggly man in the mirror looked years older than what he was, a heavy burden of betrayals and failures and doubts lay on his shoulders. He covered the mirrors on his ship and kept walking away from his past.

 

He visited Dathomir instead, a strange, diffuse planet, because he remembered Maul mentioning that he had been born there, back in their shared youth. It was silly, Obi-Wan thought, more than five years had passed since Theed, and he was still pondering the events of that day.

He hadn't announced his arrival nor inquired about whether or not he would be welcome there, before he set foot on Dathomir. The planet smelled humid and chalky at the same time, and there was a strange hum in the air. A pressure of sorts. Obi-Wan sensed the Dark Side from all around him, overwhelming his sense, but there was a tang to it he hadn't experienced elsewhere.

Witches came to investigate the stranger who dared land on their ground. They were reluctant to speak with him, though Mother Talzin did in the end invite him to their city, curiosity obviously getting the better of her.

“I remember Maul, yes”, she had said as they sat on crudely carved chairs. “He was a brave young boy when they took him from us, one of the wilder of the males. He would have made us fine offspring.”

“He’s dead”, Obi-Wan said drily and accepted a cup filled with pale liquid from a hooded sister.

“That’s… Not unexpected”, Obi-Wan thought he caught an odd look on the tall woman’s face before her mask slid back into place. “Him having friends however, that is not something I anticipated…”, she peered at him intently, but Obi-Wan pointedly drank instead of answering her. It was none of her concern. “No matter. You… Once a Sith, then a Jedi, and now… A wanderer? A seeker? What do you seek, young one?”

Obi-Wan considered lying but something about this place made him hesitate. She would sense his lies, he was sure of it. He hadn’t told her of his past but he got the impression that this strange woman knew a great many secrets. A half-truth then. “Power. Knowledge of the Force. In all aspects of the Force, not the washed out versions the Jedi and Sith teach.” ‘Peace’, he thought before he could stop himself.

Mother Talzin inclined her head and said, “Two of those I can grant you.” Green fog and dark energy surrounded them and Obi-Wan felt every hair on his body stand on end. Fascinated, he leaned into the magick, eager to learn the secrets and let them swallow him whole.

 

He stayed on Dathomir for a while, though how long he did not know. Time seemed inconsequential here and the pull of the Dark Side was vibrantly alive. He delved headfirst into whichever secret Talzin deemed him worthy of knowing, desperate to wrench his thoughts from past mistakes.

The witches were uncomfortable around him but every other day he was able to sneak small bits of information out of Talia before she clammed up and looked at him with disgust. His gender was a hindrance here, he'd realised early on. Still, they tolerated him because Talzin said that they must, and that was enough for Obi-Wan.

 

It couldn’t last forever, though Obi-Wan hoped every day that he be allowed to stay a while longer. He counted every day as a blessing, a small reprieve from the torturous existence that he’d been leading before Dathomir.

Mother Talzin summoned him one day to a chamber deep in the cavernous compound. She split a wall with her green magick and bade him enter. An ancient crone waited for them inside.

“Old Daka”, Talzin said as if that explained everything.

The old woman summoned a cloud of magick and began chanting. Obi-Wan felt uneasy but he’d been under Talzin’s tutelage long enough to know not to interrupt.

Old Daka chanted, and Obi-Wan saw blurred images swirling in the green mist. A sense of foreboding came over him and his breaths turned shallow as he saw deeds of great evil in the magick. A devastating attack on the Nightsisters, a faceless army overthrowing the Republic, a man with wheezing breath and a terrifying aura walking out of lava, countless lives lost, crimson lightsabers sparkling and crackling, and then - silence. As the green fog faded, Obi-Wan fainted.  

 

Talzin was there when Obi-Wan woke up. A headache was clawing on the inside of his skull and Obi-Wan gratefully accepted a cup of the pale liquid that he’d grown accustomed to.

“I don’t remember much”, Obi-Wan said shakily when he had finished drinking.

“You’re not supposed to”, Talzin replied. “You remember the dread of the future. That events are coming which must be stopped.” Obi-Wan nodded. “You must find our lost sister, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Go to Rattatak and bid her return home.”

 

Obi-Wan went to Rattatak. As soon as he set his ship down on the ashen ground he felt both at home and utterly repelled by this devastated planet. Newcomers weren't a welcome sight on this planet, he would soon learn. Criminals, militia, the few civilians, all of them looked at him with suspicion. More than a few lost hands with too-long fingers before he earned a reputation. Bounty hunter, some whispered. Relic hunter, others countered. Stranger, they agreed.

On Dathomir he’d been drawn to the pulsating feeling of the Dark Side, had revelled in its secrets and ancient power. On Dathomir, the planet had felt alive and it was breathing and creating Dark Side energy itself. On Rattatak it felt dirty and unnatural. The energy here didn't come from the planet, it was caused by the people tearing it apart. Everything was muddled in endless layers of war and pain and suffering and he despised it.

 

Obi-Wan fell deeper into the void on Rattatak and he felt himself slipping. He found that the countless injustices were easier to ignore and as the days passed, he found the power that was whispering faintly in his ears more alluring.

The Force was difficult to hear clearly here. It couldn't lead him as he was used to, not with the multitudes of wars ripping the natural order of things apart. It made promises of power, but Obi-Wan felt like he was walking blindly in a world of mist. One day, perhaps by chance, perhaps by a higher providence, he found himself in a world much different than the one he'd landed on a few months back. He'd been wrapped up in his blind search for lost Nightsister, but suddenly the world around him felt clearer. The Force energy around him was still dark, but it was purer now. He could hear it now that the wars that had raged had quieted, he could follow where the Force wanted him to go. Obi-Wan breathed in a sigh of relief and listened.

 

He followed it to a weathered palace, dirty and bearing all signs of being a crime lair, a place befitting a Hutt. Obi-Wan's lip curled in disgust as he entered. Surrounding him was bounty hunters and slaves and petty criminals of all sorts. Inconsequential, he thought. These people weren’t why he was here.

Obi-Wan looked up, suddenly feeling a pulse of Dark Side energy, a presence that felt important enough to be who he was looking for.

In a regular chair at the bar sat a woman only a few years younger than himself. She was all spindly limbs and fluidity, an air of grace surrounded her as she twisted her body towards him. Obi-Wan was fascinated by everything about her, from the fresh tattoos on her face to her Force presence.

»A newcomer in my hall… How interesting”, the slim woman lifted an eyebrow as she took in his appearance. Obi-Wan knew how to dress discreetly but he also knew that people, even non-sensitives, could tell that something about him was dangerous. He knew not to wear too much or too little armour, to hide his lightsaber, to let his beard and hair grow just wild enough that he looked like a regular spacer but it never quite worked.

The pale, angular woman in front of him clearly appreciated his efforts, and chuckled as she looked him over. “You're trying so hard to be subtle aren't you. Do you realise how you radiate power?”, she asked and Obi-Wan shrugged.

“Hmm… You don’t feel like a Jedi, too dark for that…«, the spindly woman continued curiously. »Yet you hide a lightsaber and you carry yourself like you’ve had Jedi training. You’re not Sith either though _their_ smell is all over you as well.« She walked towards him, movements smooth and controlled. Obi-Wan felt certain that an enormous strength lay within, belied by her bony appearance.

Long fingers caught a hem of his robes, held on for a split-second and then they were snatched away again. »Such vast distances you have travelled and now you come here to Rattatak… Why?« This was the woman Talzin had sent him to find, there was no doubt in Obi-Wan’s mind.

“That’d be too easy, now wouldn’t it”, Obi-Wan said. “Few people are this upfront about their Force Sensitivity, shouldn’t you be worried about the Jedi finding out?

The woman looked at him, her mouth twisted into a condescending smile. “We’re deep in the Outer Rim, they barely dare thread foot here. And why should they? This isn’t Republic territory. It’s mine”, the woman said, a possessive challenge in her voice.

“Besides, even if I wanted to, I’m too old to become a Jedi”, she continued when it became clear that Obi-Wan wasn’t challenging what was hers. Obi-Wan thought there was a bit of pain behind the drily stated fact, but this woman was difficult to read.

Her cat-like eyes found his. “But you already know that there are no Jedi in the Outer Rim. That’s why you’re here, is it not? It certainly can’t be because of the sights.” Obi-Wan was fascinated by her throaty laughter and the way her smiles looked like promises of pain.

“I was sent here by a Dathomirian named Talzin”, Obi-Wan said. “Though not having Jedi around did make the area more appealing.”

“Hmm....”, the woman regarded him with renewed interest. “Mother Talzin calls me home then. I think not.” She turned towards the bar and pushed a drink at him. “I’m Asajj Ventress.”

Obi-Wan didn’t hesitate before taking a place by her side. “Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

 

Theirs was a strange relationship, they both knew it. They stayed on Rattatak until Ventress grew bored with ruling the crime syndicates and then they travelled. At first Obi-Wan tried to convince her to go to Dathomir, the future he’d seen was still gnawing at his conscience, but her refusal had a resounding finality to it, and he accepted her choice.

They collected the occasional bounty when one was interesting enough but mostly they just taught each other in the ways of the Force and everything else. There were no chains of ‘master and apprentice’ but everything was a battle between them. Obi-Wan found the push and pull between them exhausting as well as invigorating and both of them came close to leaving so many times they lost count. But when the featherlight touch of her nails turned to long, deep scratches down his back, Obi-Wan felt alive in ways he thought he’d forgotten, and he felt compelled to stay.

The Dark Side pulled on them both and they left a path of death and misery in their tracks, both encouraging each other in their cruelties. They followed their urges in everything, small or large, and the Outer Rim learned to fear them. They tore down regimes on Hutt-controlled planets, not because it was _right_ , but because they wanted to hear their lightsabers sizzle as they cut through Hutt flesh. Innocent and guilty alike, all fell when their fury raged. Obi-Wan revelled in their spiralling chaos and as long as he was with this spider-like woman, he felt like he could _finally_ let go of the past.

It ended, of course. It ended with seething fury and clashing lightsabers and screaming voices before Ventress finally walked out.

 

Many years later, Obi-Wan would look back on their time together with a deep sensation of both regret and relief. He’d loved her in a sense, but only when she walked away did Obi-Wan truly see how far he had fallen. As she left in search of a Sith Master, Obi-Wan pulled himself from the abyss once again and searched for the elusive balance that laid on a knife’s edge between light and dark.

 

* * *

 

 

Obi-Wan kept walking. He took on new names now. Names from his past as well as names he picked up as he traveled. Anything but Obi-Wan Kenobi. Ventress was the last to hear that name spoken from his lips. Obi-Wan Kenobi was a hunted man, now more than ever. Hiding was easier with another name and though his past always stayed with him, he could distance himself from it with a new name, just a tiny bit.

Qui-Gon had kept his word and left him in peace, but that didn’t mean that the other Jedi had abided his wishes, especially after his travels with Ventress. Obi-Wan ran into Mace at one point, Luminara another, and countless Guardians, all of whom sent to bring him back to the Temple. Most of them were sent back with broken limbs or severed lightsabers. A few died when they refused to back off. He looked at these people, thought that some of them might have been his friends in a different lifetime, and he felt nothing.

 

When Obi Wan ran into Anakin Skywalker again he didn’t quite know how to react initially. Nostalgia had drawn him back to Naboo, the call of memories he couldn’t release.

When he had first met the boy almost ten years previously, Qui-Gon had been ready to abandon him for this new apprentice without a second thought. Obi-Wan’s senses had still been dulled from the Jedi mind wipe years before, and he had resented the young boy, resented him for his strong grasp on the Force and for drawing his Master’s already sparse attention away from him.

The brash young man standing in front of him was full of fear and uncertainty. He was brimming with so much swirling Dark Side potential that Obi-Wan wrinkled his brow. How had the Jedi allowed this? Had Qui-Gon lost his senses?

The Jedi’s lightsaber was already ignited and the aggressive move peaked Obi-Wan's curiosity even more.

“Don't move! I'm bringing you in, traitor!”, Skywalker was ready to attack and Obi-Wan would really prefer to avoid that. Carefully he moved slightly closer, as if he was approaching a trapped animal.

“Why though? I've never hurt you”, said Obi-Wan in a bemused voice, as he slowly but surely crept into a more advantageous position.

“You killed all those Jedi who were sent to bring you back to the Temple!”

Obi-Wan chuckled at the accusation. “Not all of them. And some of them deserved it. Why do you care?”

Skywalker sputtered. “I’m a Jedi, of course I care!”

“You harbour no feelings of warmth towards the Jedi, don’t lie to yourself. You don’t care what happens to them. Your fears lie elsewhere, outside of the Jedi, which of course would be strange in itself, if you were a real Jedi. ‘Form no attachments’ and all that”, Obi-Wan mocked, testing the boy. How much of a Jedi was the younger man really? Obi-Wan certainly hadn’t been a perfect example, even disregarding his past evils. His feelings for Satine had proved that years ago.

“I owe the Jedi everything, and so do you! You’re a traitorous Sith who betrayed everything they ever gave you. You turned to the Dark Side and you even betrayed your own Master!”, the boy said. Obi-Wan could feel the anger and doubt simmering beneath the surface. His words felt hollow, like the younger man was just reciting from a script. Obi-Wan wondered how different they really were. They had both been trained by Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan recognised the uncertainty in Skywalker from his own time as a Jedi.

Smiling a wry smile, Obi-Wan replied. “Did I really? There is more truth in the universe than what the Jedi Order teaches. The Force can teach you many secrets, both Dark and Light. You should try listening to it.”

Skywalker looked at Obi-Wan like he was insane. Obi-Wan began to understand why Qui-Gon had been so willing to defy the order of things when they’d met the boy on Tatooine.

In a more serious tone he continued, “Why are you worried about your mother?”

Obi-Wan was amazed at how well Skywalker’s face reflected his inner turmoil, the boy was like an open book.

“How… How do you know about my mother?”, Anakin’s voice faltered.

“As I said, the Force can tell you many great things. If you listen to it, you’ll find the answers you’re looking for”, Obi-Wan said, unsure why he felt compelled to give this brash Jedi advice. Advice and knowledge that he himself had needed to sacrifice blood and tears and years of his life to gain.

Still, despite the illogical aspect of it, he continued. “If you’re afraid for her, go to her. You need to follow where your instinct leads you, not where old dusty Jedi tells you to go.”

“Yoda always tells me to let go of my emotions…”, Anakin said in an unsure voice. “And Qui-Gon tells me to embrace them and then to let go of what I can’t change. Which is basically the same thing...”

Obi-Wan let out a bark of laughter. “That does indeed sounds like Qui-Gon. If the Force is showing you your mother, then you should listen. Embrace your feelings and don’t ever let go.”

“But that leads to the Dark Side…”, Anakin said uncertainly.

“Everything in moderation, young Padawan”, Obi-Wan said and enjoyed watching Anakin bristle at the title. “The Dark Side is tempting yes, but using the Light Side as the Jedi preach is impossible. We have emotions for a reason. We also have brains for a reason. You must find your own balance.”

Skywalker started to reply, but he suddenly paled and his words came to a stuttering halt. Obi-Wan could almost hear his heart stopping from across the alley.

“Anakin?”, a hesitant female voice sounded from behind Obi-Wan. Unwilling to take his eyes entirely off of the Jedi Apprentice with the ignited lightsaber in front of him, Obi-Wan moved swiftly and positioned himself with his back to the wall. Only then did he dare risk a glance at the newcomer. Oh. Obi-Wan remembered her, the young queen of Naboo. Back then he’d been wrapped up in the Jedi Order and his lingering feelings for Satine, but now… he thought she was beautiful, even in this alley filled with garbage and dust.

“I didn’t mean to intrude”, she said carefully as she assessed the situation with the same calm that he remembered from last time he was in Theed. She kept her distance from Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan more sensed than saw her fingers twitch for the blaster holstered at her thigh. Unless she’d changed significantly since last he saw her, he knew that Padmé Amidala wasn’t that reckless. She wouldn’t attack without trying diplomacy. Not a threat. For now.

“Padmé, stay back!”, Anakin’s voice rebounded on the walls of the small alley, urgency and fear thickening his voice. “He’s a rogue Jedi, he’s dangerous!”

“Now, now Anakin, don’t be so crude”, Obi-Wan tutted. “After all, you’re the one who followed me, not the other way around.”

The boy's cheeks reddened but his reply was cut short by Padmés even voice. “I remember you. Obi-Wan Kenobi. You protected me once. I was saddened that there was no chance to say goodbye, you were kinder than most. Must my current protector and my past really fight?” Obi-Wan saw her eyes flashing and thought that the protectee certainly wouldn't stand by without getting involved in the fight. He knew that she was lying through her teeth. Maybe she did remember him, but at the time he’d been Qui-Gon’s pet, he hadn’t been _kind_ , he’d been condescending and childish. Besides, he’d mostly protected her handmaiden, not her. The lie made Obi-Wan’s esteem of her skyrocket, it was a bold and risky negotiation method.

“I was just browsing the market, my lady, when your Jedi decided to follow me. I have no quarrel with you or with Skywalker”, he said blithely, he didn’t have anything to gain by calling her on her lie. “However, I will have a problem soon if he keeps pointing that lightsaber at me.” Skywalker shot him a dirty look.

“If that is true, may I pass?”, Amidala asked him. Obi-Wan half-bowed, not entirely sure if it was a genuine or a mocking gesture, and allowed her to pass unharmed.

“While this has certainly been a pleasure, I do think I’ll take my leave now”, Obi-Wan said once Skywalker stood protectively in front of Padmé.

The Jedi was clearly torn, but kept his weapon pointed at Obi-Wan.  

“Walk away, young one. Stop waving that saber at me, or you shall lose a hand.” The boy’s brow creased with anger and tension at the condescending tone.Skywalker was seconds away from leaping into a battle that Obi-Wan knew the younger man couldn’t win. Only Padmé’s firm hand on his shoulder eased his rage and Obi-Wan suddenly envied them. Their relationship had never been tender or caring like these two clearly was, but he still missed Ventress. The companionship and acceptance of another person… Obi-Wan hadn’t realised how much he’d needed it before it was gone. The Jedi in front of him disabled his lightsaber.

Obi-Wan turned and left. As he walked away he called out to the couple. “Follow your instinct, young Skywalker. We'll all meet again, I have no doubt.”

 

Soon after, he heard of the battle of Geonosis. The Clone Wars had begun.

He fought in the Clone Wars. Not for the Jedi or for the Sith or for anyone else. He fought injustice when he couldn't abide the cruelties he saw but ignored the pain around him when he could. He learned balance again. His mind would occasionally drift back to a cavern on a dark planet and the future he’d been warned about, but he’d soon push the thought from his mind again.

Obi-Wan found his own path and as he traversed the Galaxy, he found his mind drifting to Anakin Skywalker more often than he liked. Obi-Wan watched the Jedi betray everything they stood for, watched them become generals and warmongers and he laughed at the absurdity of it. He was relieved that he walked away from the Order oh so many years ago.

Both Skywalker and Amidala appeared on the holo-news often, they were both a bit too good at attracting attention, he thought. She was a Senator now, Obi-Wan discovered, and a clever one at that. A bit too idealistic in his opinion, but he always found himself listening a bit closer when she was being broadcast.

Obi-Wan kept a close eye on Skywalker as well. The Jedi and Amidala rarely appeared together and when they did, they were the picture of professionalism. If Obi-Wan hadn’t seen them in the alley on Naboo, he would never have guessed the nature of their relationship. Skywalker grew up quickly with the mantle of ‘general’ on his shoulders. He became more somber and always seemed like he was carrying too many burdens for one so young. One day, Obi-Wan saw the Jedi being welcomed back from another successful mission, wounded and exhausted, blood hardly dry on his brow, and he realised that the man was beautiful in his pain and suffering. Obi-Wan quickly shut his holo off. He didn’t need these kinds of complications.

 

He never met Qui-Gon again. Since Theed, Obi-Wan had avoided his old Master at all costs, not willing to see the disappointment that would surely be painted on Qui-Gon’s face. He knew his own failures well enough and he felt no need to have his once-keeper rub it in his face.

When his old Master died, he felt it reverberating through the remnants of their Force bond but he had mourned this loss many years ago.

Days later, news of the death of Count Dooku reached Obi-Wan on the Outer-Rim planet he was stalking for prey. The Chancellor had been saved by young Skywalker, but his master and Dooku both had perished in the struggle. Obi-Wan thought there was a certain poetry about the Master and the Padawan dying together. He couldn't help but think of where this left Ventress and thought he should feel guilty about not mourning his former master.

 

When Obi-Wan heard that Darth Maul had survived their battle on Theed, he was in a bar, scouting for a spice smuggler with a bounty on his head. Ventress had linked him a holovid of two Zabraks slaughtering their way into a palace on some faraway planet, and Obi-Wan laughed at the sight. One of the pivotal moments of his life, the moment he’d _agonised_ over for more than a decade, had been for naught.

He thought back to his first meeting with Mother Talzin and realised that she must've known all along. That strange look on her face when he'd told her that Maul was dead - it made sense to him now. She'd known all along that the Nightbrother had been alive and she’d said nothing. They’d been little more than strangers, but he still felt the sting of betrayal scratching at his chest.

Obi-Wan laughed bitterly at how his life had turned out, found an absurd hilarity in the string of failures he left behind. He laughed loudly enough that the spice smuggler got away, leaving Obi-Wan another failure to ponder.

That night he drank enough to forget, just for a little while. Enough to forget and enough to forgive himself for his past trespasses - for a moment. He woke up in the ruins of a crumbling building and could vaguely recall that this was the bar that he'd been drinking in. The bartender had insisted that Obi-Wan had to go home, that he'd been cut off. Obi-Wan tried not to remember the burning rage that followed. He’d torn the place down without a thought, burnt it to cinders. How he'd survived Obi-Wan didn't know, but he cursed the Force to the ends of the universe for not letting him die. As Obi-Wan pulled himself out of the smoldering ashes, he felt the slightest pinch of regret for the lives lost in the wreckage, but irritated and frustrated and hungover he pushed the feeling to the back of his mind where it lay almost-forgotten.

 

Obi-Wan tried to maintain a balance. He tried desperately, but in his clearer moments he saw what his anger and suffering brought to his surroundings. He’d unleash his fury carelessly and immediately regret his actions, but felt incapable of doing penance for the evils he committed. He saw Maul and his Zabrak companion wreck havoc everywhere in the galaxy in a grotesque tribute to him, and Obi-Wan let the guilt wash over him, tried desperately to let it drown him.

Until he didn’t. Finally, he withdrew from the world around him. He rarely left his ship and spent most of his time meditating or tracking Anakin Skywalker or Padmé Amidala. He allowed his obsession with the couple to run wild. It served as a distraction from his other, hated obsession who was running amok in a crazed attempt to get his attention. The two obsessions occasionally clashed, and every time he heard that Anakin had fought Maul, Obi-Wan’s heart felt like it was going to beat through his chest. He never dared examine which of the men he hoped would survive.

 

* * *

 

 

More than a decade after he walked away from a dead friend and a wounded Master, he sensed a curious presence. It felt somewhat familiar, but not entirely known. It echoed through the Force, called his name, and it tasted of Jedi. Always curious to learn new ways of the Force, Obi-Wan reached out to the presence and as if burned he snapped back to his own mind. Qui-Gon!

Obi-Wan put up mental shields, fortified his mind in every way he knew. Old Daka on Dathomir had spoken of resurrection spells, and he had heard rumours of ancient Sith Lords cheating death for centuries, but this wasn't anything Obi-Wan had ever seen or felt before. He was both frightened and intrigued, but guilt lay like a heavy burden on his shoulders and he refused to let his old Master through his shutters.

 

Obi-Wan's ship was drifting aimlessly in space when a ringing noise interrupted his meditation.

“Hello there, lover”, Ventress’ raspy voice sounded over the holo-call. A hood shadowed her face but Obi-Wan would recognise her silhouette everywhere.

“Ventress. What an unexpected pleasure“, Obi-Wan said.

“I'm not calling just to see your pretty face, I'm afraid. Though you have cleaned up nicely”, she said, a flicker of a smile on her lips. “I suppose you've been following Mauls activities, as the rest of the Republic have?”

“Some. It's hard to miss these days”, he replied, careful to keep a bored tone in his voice.

“He's doing it all for you, you know. Why haven't you gone to him?” The pale figure on the holo-call flickered, but her voice was steady.

“Why should I? He'll find me eventually, playing into his ploys will only encourage him”, Obi-Wan said bitterly.

“Oh, I think you'll want to play by his rules this time”, Ventress said. “Obi-Wan, he's on Mandalore. “

Obi-Wan felt like someone had dumped ice water on him. “I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that he would stoop so low”, he said, voice tight with barely withheld fury. “By the Force, how did he find out about her?”

“You'll need backup”, Ventress said. “If you go, you should… -” the picture flickered and faded as Obi-Wan shut down the holo-call.

Mumbling under his breath, he punched in the hyperspace route. It would take time to get there, he was on the other side of the galaxy. Blasted Sith.

 

Electricity was sparking at his fingertips as he tore the door from its hinges. Several members of the Death Watch lay outside the entrance to the throne room, some still moaning in agony from the ruthless way in which Obi-Wan had dispatched of them.

Maul sat on the throne, legs splayed wide open and grinning like a fat Nexu. The other Zabrak, one that Obi-Wan only knew from the holo-news, stood besides the throne, silently towering Maul.

“Well, well, well. Ben Kenobi. Finally. I'd begun to lose hope that you would ever answer my call…”, the Zabrak smiled widely as Obi-Wan walked closer with carefully measured steps.

“Where is she, Maul?”, Obi-Wan said, voice containing an ice cold rage had been brewing for days. Satine was the last remnant of his shattered youth, she didn’t deserve to get wrapped up in his tragedies. “This is between us.“

“Hm, no ‘how nice to see you alive, old friend’? Or maybe a hug?”, Maul mocked. “Why, I'm disappointed. Even Savage here thinks you're being rude, and he's not known for his conversational skills.” Maul gestured to the larger Zabrak who only grunted in reply.

Hatred emanated from every fibre of Obi-Wan. He started to speak, but a shrill ringing cut through his words. Maul turned his attention to his small earpiece and surprise flashed across his features.

“Savage, it would seem that we have a bit of a Togruta infestation in the prison wing. Take care of it”, Maul said before turning curious eyes back to his nemesis. “I did not think that you'd have gone back to the Jedi scum but perhaps I misjudged you… “

Obi-Wan masked his confusion well but cooled his anger. If more players were on the board than he knew of, he needed to keep his wits about him. Smoothly, he started talking again. “We were never friends, Maul, do not fool yourself. Allies, rivals, enemies, yes. But friends?”, Obi-Wan laughed, a cruel, jarring sound. “Surrender now or I shall do worse than cut you in half this time!”

At the mention of their last fight, Mauls face twisted into a sneering grimace. His yellow eyes were hard as he replied. “Was it worth it, my friend? Was betraying me for the Jedi -” at the word he spat, like it was dirty, “worth it? All the power we could have wielded together, the galaxy would have been ours! It still can be!”

“I didn't fight you for the Jedi”, old friend, Obi-Wan thought before he continued, deliberately making his tone condescending and cruel. “You're delusional. A rabid animal. The galaxy was better without you in it and so I removed you.“

“So what was it all for”, Maul roared at him before he went still. His head tilted as he looked intensely at the human in front of him and Obi-Wan knew that the Sith had realised the Force influence that had been weaved into Obi-Wan's words. “Dathomir trickery”, he said slowly and Obi-Wan could see the Zabrak visibly pulling himself away from the depths of his rage. “You're as clever as ever, my friend. It's time to end this.”

The Dathomirian touched his earpiece and spoke.

“Kill the Duchess.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is created as part of the Jedifest Rogue Robin (Phase Two), if you decide to continue this, please feel free to take as much or little as this as you want. Didn't like the part with Ventress? Don't feel pressured to use it. Everything goes!
> 
> If you want to make this shippy, feel free to go ahead with literally anyone! #ObiWanIsInLoveWithEveryone

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Roads Chosen](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10879173) by [araydre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/araydre/pseuds/araydre)




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